Most of us believe that once
trust is broken in a relationship that it can't be restored. We
think that it takes so long to build it that once broken we are in big
trouble for getting it back. And we are right. However,
there are several specific things you can do if you wronged your mate
and broke the trust in your relationship to get it back starting in
hours rather than months. (If your mate wronged you there is a
different process to
restore trust outlined here.)
Step One is to accept the blame for what you did. This in itself is
radical. Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being
cold to you, you just take the blame. "Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on
you." When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do
they really understand what they did wrong. Step one takes care of this.
You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept
responsibility.
This is a very powerful way to begin to rebuild trust! It is very far
from all the excuses and obfuscation we usually get when there is a big
problem. I messed up and I accept responsibility is a potent act - if
you mean it and are sincere.
Step Two follows right on top of this. You then need to acknowledge that
you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain caused.
Look, your ex is hurting! They may be furious with you, or they may feel
sad and broken hearted. They are in emotional pain. So you fess up to
that to, since you caused all the pain they're feeling. Hey, not only
did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain. I hurt you deeply, I made you
feel worthless, like I didn't appreciate and respect you. I know I broke
your heart.
Remarkable! Your partner has probably never heard anything like this
from you before. You aren't trying to explain yourself, you are owning
that you not only did the deed but caused emotional damage to them by
doing it. Wow!
For this step, you want to talk about the pain using the best words that
you can. Here, you want you mate to feel like you understand the
emotional pain they are going through. So take a minute and try to
describe feelings, like "I shamed you" or "I kicked you in the heart..."
For various reasons we don't have room to go into in detail, step two is
vital to the technique. Most apologies miss this point and they don't
work. Own up to what you did, and make sure your ex feels emotionally
that you at least understand some of the damage you caused. When you do
this, the Emotional Logic you're using is undeniable and potent. There
is more to rebuilding trust, but these two steps can take you a long
way.
Here are some action steps for
you:
Are you ready to admit blame
and accept responsibility for what you did? Or is your head still
filled with excuses and justifications?
What damage do you think what
you did caused your partner emotionally? Write out three or four
feelings you think you created by what you did. This will help
things go more smoothly when you do start the process of rebuilding
trust.
There is obviously a ton more to this process of regaining trust, but learning some proven steps can make a big difference in
getting your ex back fast. It can help you get them back in hours
instead of waiting months and hoping they will get over it eventually!
If you would like to get your
ex back when trust has been broken, you can check out a complete 7
Step Strategy here at
Get
Your Love Back Now.
